Healing

I would like to say a word about healing because God has been speaking to me about this. There is nothing easy about letting the God of the universe take all my/your physical, emotional, spiritual pain away from me/you. I like to pretend that if I have pain then I can use it as a sort of covering from others. That, if they know I am emotionally scarred, they won't hurt me as much. But this is not the way of the Lord. The God of the universe tears down the walls of pain. The God of the universe removes my self-protecting-umbrella of pain I carry with me, in order for me to receive the fullness of his love. The fullness of his Blood. Does this make any sense to anyone? Am I the only one in the world that wraps myself in pain for people to know that I do or don't have problems of my own I struggle with daily? I know I am not alone. But it feels like it some days. I am like Adam and Eve who cover themselves in the bushes to hide their sin against God. Yesterday I wrote a poem about a young girl with an abusive parent who tries to cover herself with things that are so close to Jesus, but are not Jesus. I think that is what I do with my old scars. In a way, Jesus and my past scars have a lot in common. But they are IN NO WAY the same. Yet, they both have protected me from bad choices. They both have led to my salvation in some way. But my past sins and hurts are from this world, and the blood of Jesus is not. I'll share the poem because I think it better relates to what I am talking about.

Red ribbons wrapped in her young hair
Tied up anger in his tight fists
Sinking tears on her cherry cheeks
One fatherless father

Hiding behind closed closets
His alcohol stumbling search
Covered by the crimson, hanging dress
Her tiny feet seen by clouded eyes

Her swollen face and hands
Reaching toward the sky
Heaven’s red rain cleanses
Nothing left uncovered

Although, I have never endured the pain of an abusive father, like this young girl I have tried to protect myself with objects that resemble the blood of Jesus, but are NOT THE BLOOD. I believe the enemy puts worldly things in our way to resemble THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. Such a masquerade. God is the only protector. God is the one true father. God is. God is. God is the ultimate provider. God is. God is. When I speak this out it reminds me of the truth in the old testament when God says his name is 'I AM'. He is. He is. He is. He is my healer. He is changing me so I stop hiding my sin from everyone. If you are reading this, and you know me, you know I do this. I am humbly stepping in front of the Lord and receiving the fullness of His Grace and forgiveness through the blood.

Recently, this is what God has been pouring into me. The grace and forgiveness offered. Even though I have long since accepted this, it wasn't until recently that I am knowing the full extent of his forgiveness of my sin. And I feel like this is the first time in my life that I can offer this grace to others. And what a WONDERFUL feeling -- that through God, I can offer a little piece of radical grace and forgiveness and lack of judgement. and WHAT A WONDERFUL PLACE TO BE. What freedom comes with our Father in heaven. Amazing Grace. I remember when I was probably five or six years old, I was on my mom's lap and she asked me what my favorite song in church was; and I told her it was the one about being blind and then seeing again. And she told me she loved that one too. Amazing Grace. Children are beings full of grace -- they do not care about your past, they just want to receive and give love. This is the heart of Jesus.

This may be too vivid of a picture but I am going to use it anyway because I feel like it best portrays how I am right now. When there is an infection on or in the body, in order to remove and cleanse the wound, you have to cut it open and replace the infection with the something that will fight against it. (I am no science person but I know but I know that you can't let wounds just fester because they will spread) This is going to sound so creepy but just bear with me. Well, for the longest time when I worshipped I would get this vision of being cut open. It wasn't gross or gruesome but it was like I was being opened up from toes to head, and then from my arms spread wide from hand to hand. And then I would feel like the cross being put into these cut marks. And I always just thought that this was God showing me what it was like to hang on the cross. But it wasn't until now that I realized that this vision was something completely different. God has been opening me up for me to release my sin so he can replace it with his forgiveness. Me holding in my sin was infecting the rest of my body, so during worship God was cutting open my wounds to put in the fighter of evil in: the Cross.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be HEALED. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

It's time for healing.