Who is this man? Who is this king? Who is this lamb who has done it? He has finished death.
Each day I learn how little I know Jesus, how far I am in comparison. I want to meet Jesus. I am not asking for death, but I want HIM. Who is this Jesus? I can close my eyes and imagine what it might be like to be at the foot of the throne.
You have to know that with these great dreams of Sudan and Ethiopia, that I am counting the cost of dying and the probability of martyrdom. That taking up my cross always means being just a few days from death, like Christ when he carried His. I AM afraid of death. I will not hide this fear, David did not hide his fear and either will I. I am VERY aware of my lack of invincibility, maybe too aware of it.
But then I think that on this day of death, I get to finally meet the most important Man in my life. This may be all too morbid for a blog entry, but I don't care because I get to meet THE ONE! And then, I get to stay with Him... FOREVER! Oh man, how wonderful, how glorious, how perfect. Now is not the time for our thrones. Now is not the time for big bank accounts (at least not for me). This earth is NOT our heaven, not now. No, now is our servanthood.
Yes, I will burn out in this life. It's inevitable, because I am human. Yes, I will probably be cranky to the ones I love or should love, and then regret it later. Yes, I will most likely make big mistakes that I will learn from. I will cower in fear some days when I should stand in boldness. But, I will not renounce the name of Jesus as Lord. I want him as my God. Aww man, THIS God-man is worth it.
I am not only called, but I am commanded to a foreign land, to be a stranger in a far off place. But, God has a plan. He has promised great things. This God does not forsake us. Yesterday, we learned that Jesus spent 30 years earning his right to his ministry. So I am sure it will be years for me as well.
What have I been learning from this year of fasting and praying?
We have a few short years to make an impact, and to do the Lord's will. We only have one life to live. One. Not two, not three spare wishes, not an extra card to pull out at the last minute. This is it. One breath and then our time on earth is done.
So I wanna love hard and good. I wanna fight for His will. I want live a life worthy of my calling. He is changing me and everyone around me. We weren't meant to live for our own desires, we were meant for HIS! Our dreams aren't big enough!
and Real Love is sacrifice. Real Love sacrificed it all. As followers of Jesus we are called to the same sacrifice. I challenge you to ask God what that means in your life. I dare you.
I am asking God these things, and he has given me answers--ones that are holy, but still fearful in my flesh. Things like that it doesn't matter if I ever get married. That it doesn't matter if I never have a stable income. That it doesn't matter if the world or even Christians call me foolish for HIS dreams manifesting in my life. That my emotions change and somedays when I want to run, I have to stand still with two feet planted on the ground. And that there will be a time when I want to remain stagnant, and he will call me to run like creek water. And that it doesn't matter that one day I will get on a plane to be an ocean away from many friends and family because the Son of Man had no where to place his head.
THIS is the gospel I am learning about. It is magnificent, but my flesh screams to run the opposite direction. Yet, the Spirit within me is not one of fear, but of Love and Power. I will lean not on my own understanding.
Well i had a dream i stood beneath orange sky. yes, i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky. with my brother standing by, with my brother standing by. i said brother you know you know it's a long road we've been walking on yes it is it brother it is, such a long road we been walkin on. oh brother, oh brother. i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky with my sister standing by, with my sister standing by. said here is what i know now sister, goes like this. In your love, my salvation lies in your love. my salvation lies in your love. my salvations lies in your love in your love in your love. Oh you know but I am so weary and you know my heart my heart has been broken now sometimes too strong to carry on, too strong too strong to carry on. When I am alone. When I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone. When I've lost all care for the things I own, that's when I miss you that's when I miss you who are my home. You are my home. Here's what I know now brother, Here's what I know now sister, goes like this. In your love my salvation lies in your love my salvation lies in your love my salvation lies in your love in your love in your love, in your love now... Well, I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky, with my brother and my sister standing by, with my brother and my sister standing by.
