Recently I have been eating orange foods. Yesterday the only food I consumed was a whole bag of gold fish, apple cider, and half a piece of pumpkin pie. Mucho Anaranjado. And today my breakfast and lunch was 5 baby carrots. Then I had a dinner of normal not orange foods. But then just now, I consumed two whole oranges. Can I just give a shout out to all the ripe oranges out there that YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT. All that peeling and delayed gratification has VALUE. Oh yumm, those were the best oranges I have ever had in my long 19 years.
Back to the thought of orange foods though, no I am not starving myself or on some middle-aged-woman diet by only eating orange foods, I have just been BUSY in this week of death (alternative name for dead week) to prepare for finals, and I have been choosing sleep over food.
No Eating orange foods has not been on purpose, BUT it does remind me of my kindergarten art class when I thought my friends and I invented the color pink. I am not kidding when I say this. I thought my generation of students were brilliant: "WE MIXED RED AND WHITE AND HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW COLOR! We might as well quit school and retire now at the old age of 5, for we, in all our brilliance, will be richer than fools by opening the eyes of the world and every nation to bubblegum, flowers, old lady sweaters, fingernail polish, flamingos, shrimp, and let us never forget Victoria Secret's brand of clothing!"
I'm not sure if I missed the day when we learned the colors--but I had no idea somebody had already claimed that flamingo patent. But isn't that the same when God discovers us though? It is as though you believe your life is made up of your home, and school, and family, and friends, and cousins, and post offices, and supermarkets, and metal door handles, and not stepping on the cracks in the cement, and your ipod's music, and the bluish hue of a cloudy day, or the way your back hurts when you first wake up, and you think your heart is meh-full. (meh-full is the definition of a gray life of mundane materials which fill up the space around us).
But when we find God, or better yet, when God finds us, the veil is removed and all of the sudden the sky is no longer attainable because heaven might just be right beyond it. And the green that fills a leaf has new meaning because this God, this glorious loving God, gave that leaf it's spreading veins and it's hydrated natural tinge. And you realize that you have veins and that you have a soul again, and you ask this God, oh this saving God, if a scientific angel of sorts dissected your soul if it would now be the color of this leaf, this lifelifelifelifelifelifelifehaving leaf??? Because some new believer part of you believes that God now exists because you allowed him into existence. And if you chose to stop believing in HIM, he would disappear. Just like how I misunderstood giving birth to the color pink. But like colors, God has been around for a while. And like colors, even if we stopped believing in them, they would still be there within every object--just needing some light to appear. Without God and color, our lives are far more dull and full of ignorance. But We all need more God in our lives so we can see Him clearly, don't we?
But We do see glimpses of God even if we don't know him. How else can you explain music? Or the way a winding, blowing wind can change your whole life for a split second, because for a fourth of a second you think you may be returned to dust and be blown away, morphing into small particles of the wind. How else can you explain why people stare at the ocean? What is it about the right words or the right touch at the right time can make you feel more loved than you ever had before in your life!? I believe those moments are just camera flashes of the life GOD HAS PREPARED FOR US. I say camera flashes because for a second a whole room is filled with light, even if from a very small place the light bounces off every object in the vicinity and produces life for the picture. Yes, indeed, we can all describe times when God has shown us a camera flash worth of what kind of life he offers. And with each camera flash, with a considerable amount of extreme light for a brief moment, color is captured again.
So my advice is to not ignore the camera flashes of your life, to not pretend the color does not exist. This means when it's raining -- I want to give away my umbrella. And this means when God opens up a door to Addis Ababa, I wanna walk straight through it and into that humbling adventure. This means making friends with whoever checks out your food or clothes or whatever, because that job sucks after a 7 hour shift, right?! This means learning a few words of a different language just so you can say 'hello, how are you?' to an international friend. Or knitting at village inn just because it draws people who are over the age of 65, to see a group of 19 through 23 year olds teaching each other how to knit (our experience last night).
Because even if you are as naive as I was as a 5 year old thinking I invented a color, it doesn't change the fact that I was wrong! When God is here I want to PAY ATTENTION. And when I don't know he's around, I want to do something about it! I want to get off my orange-eating food habit, and give to the relationships I am in! haha--that sounded like polygamy, I meant friends/family/nonbelievers/brothers/sisters -- We've all got some color exploring to do. Because when I die I don't want God to say "well done good and faithful servant, I gave you the whole spectrum of colors but you only chose to eat orange and "claim to" conceive pink...nicely done... NOT!" I just made God sound like a sarcastic boss, that was not intended or an accurate portrayal of him.
I have taken this time to write this entry when I am supposed to be writing my British Literature essay and working on finishing my theatre final. But you know what? I don't care. Because following God sometimes looks like procrastination or a waste of time or money or material fancies. Some people will have you believe that following God is a waste. And if it is, then let me pour out everything I have within me for the task. Let me break my alabaster jar at the foot of Jesus and waste everything I once had but now no longer want.
God once told me that I was going to have everything I ever wanted at my fingertips, but I was going to refuse it in order to follow him. Even though that scares me, strangely enough, this fast from dating/crushes/men is reshaping my entire world and is showing me how to sacrifice and to truly drop everything. And I am no where close to it not even remotely! OBVIOUSLY. I need his GRACE, his full GRACE, for that. I am a prideful, self-absorbed human like the rest of us. I still have food (orange foods, at least --ha), house, windbreaker, coat, friends, a happy family, pleasant memories, socks, music, computer, ipod, virginity, cell phone, health, trash, sanity, laundry, bracelets, school, keys, pens, three bags, and free bus rides. I have a lot, and some of the things I have corrupt my insides. But despite all of this, I am fearfully and wonderfully and worthily made in the sight of our Father God, and so are you. "For this is real love – not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins"
P.s. I don't actually own a windbreaker– I just like the word, so no worries about that one eroding any part of my soul's desire to serve Jesus and to Love his people mightily. Amen.
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