I keep praying for one thing each day. And only one thing is sure in my life right now:
transformation.
He is infusing me with truth, knowledge, and this fiery passion for something greater than what the world is offering.
The definition of transformation is to make a thorough or dramatic change in form, appearance, or character. This semester my heart has been in this state...at all times. I am changing, and it is good.
Today I wrote my brother a letter for his birthday. He is 15 and my favorite man on this green and blue globe we live in. I told him to let God shape him into the man he is and is going to be. And then I realized that is true advice for myself. and others. and I think everybody. Do not let yourself be stagnant in this temporary home we live in -- how terrible that I have believed I should do this. For a lot of my life I believed that in order to be content, in order to be reliable, I had to remain the same, controlled, put together, honest, AND consistent. This is not only impossible, but foolish. I know in Ecclesiastes Solomon talks about how there is a season and time for all things, but sometimes I think God purposefully fuses them into one time. In one day there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. The season I am in right now feels like a thousand different seasons--and that is okay. It is perfect. This is how He wants my life right now. And although I feel pulled a thousand different ways, he is stretching and I am growing. Yet, I have been experiencing what I call 'growing pains of the heart'. It means that there is an ache inside me from growing quickly. It means letting go of things I have held on for too long, or my whole life. It means walking away and moving on and giving it to Him. Do you have chains that need to be broken? Do you have deep scars? Are you the little elephant thinking your leg is still tied to the tree? There is a freedom in Christ. There is enough freedom in Christ to say to the Lord: "I don't know what I am doing here, but for you Lord, I am here." THere is freedom in Christ to say: "I am defeated and broken. I need this fresh healing every day rising up in me like the sun." And there is freedom to say: "Lord, take me and break me. For I am truly and completely yours."
I am seven months into my twelve month fast, and I have nothing to show for it but a transformed mind and heart. And what is that in the world's eyes? Nothing. But what does the king of the universe think of us growing and changing and learning? The King's eyes burn bright, the angels applaud His planning, wind and lights in heaven burn and burn and burn. If humans truly are the pinnacle of creation, then don't we matter to the Lord? Aren't we apart of His greater plan for each individual and each nation? We are apart of this vision of every knee bowing and every tongue confessing who rules the universe.
If this season of my life is anything. It is one of preparation. I feel He is training me. I have no idea what it is, but I can feel it, and it's exciting. There were large stumbling blocks in my way and now that Christ has defeated some of the major lies in my life, the other mountains look more climbable. God has something in mind for our lives--We're apart of it! You and I have a purpose; this is truth. Seek the father and ask him what he wants you to do. But be careful when you ask this, because he WILL give you an answer, and it may not fit in your perfectly wrapped and bow tied plan. He may just ask you to finally accept his love and his sacrifice to loose the chains of past sin or scars. Or he may ask you to sell everything you own, quit school, quit your job, and move to Sudan to share the gospel to Muslims. So let us not lose sight of our goal. Let us keep our eyes on the prize, the vision of a worshipping generation made up of every nation.
It is with honesty that I can say I wrote this out of procrastination. Tomorrow is a midterm in a class called Curriculum Instruction 202 Technology in Education.
But in faith I will listen to these two songs over and over and over and over and over again: Mountain and the Sea by Ingrid Michaelson and Ragged Sea by Alexi Murdoch. "Somewhere on the mountain around the ragged sea, where time is lying still, I've fallen on a hill and the sky is pouring in. Girlie I hear your crying oh girlie don't you cry. For I will come for you, I will come for you and we'll go home."
For there is a season for all things, even if they do happen all at once:
to be born
to die
to plant
to harvest
to kill
to heal
to tear down
to build up
to cry
to laugh
to grieve
to dance
to scatter stones
to gather stones
to search
to quit searching
to keep
to throw away
to tear
to mend
to be quiet
to speak
to love
to hate
to have war
and to have peace.
1 comment:
wow, this makes me smile so big.
because someone else is getting it and because, though it happens differently in each of us, it's the same wonderful beautiful god working that life giving and free transformation. And it's not because I'm doing it, or you're doing it, it's because we're letting god do it. So big, so wonderful, this truth.
I was just writing down my own thoughts and came across this verse while looking for another.
John 3:8 "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”
and that, friend, agrees with what you are saying. so cool that I got to read it just before reading this.
... and did I say there's a big smile on this face?
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