Confirmations...

I have been so concerned with my college life currently. I was telling Molly this morning that if God opened up the opportunity to leave for mission work, I would. I was discontent with my selfishness of spending thousands of dollars on tuition and food I end up not eating. I want to be following the Lord's will. But lovely Molly reminded me that the college is a missionary field in itself...just a very expensive one.

But I asked the Lord for another confirmation that I was in the right place, a reason why I am still here and not selling everything I own to go to Ethiopia.

And he gave me one. How cool is that? Seek and find Him.

I felt really called to go on a bike ride today. God was blessing me with his joy and peace as I raced along the park's bike trail. I was praying and he was loving on me and I was loving on him. It was all perfect; until...

Until I passed by an older homeless man fast asleep on the park bench. My heart dropped with a deep deep aching. I thought 'we're in Ames, ia, there can't be a homeless man in ames, ia' But I have been blind. So blind to the people who need him most, turning a deaf ear toward how I could be used.

So I passed by him wishing I had some food or wishing he was awake so that we could talk. or something.

I had just bought a water and I thought I could give him that. But fear stopped me. FEAR!!! I'm ashamed to admit this, but FEAR of all things gripped at my heart.

I did another loop around him wishing there was something I could do, and convincing myself I had nothing. I biked away. I. biked. away. from. the. man. i. was. convicted. to. give. something. to. I did. (How hypocritical of me because I have been telling my friends how I am excited to do mission work, but i couldn't leave my water bottle for man???) I'm ashamed to say it now, but I left.

I was trying to tell God to explain myself that I didn't have anything to give, and that it wasn't safe to walk up to a sleeping homeless man. And GLORY TO GOD, he removed his spirit from me for a split second. for a split second, i felt complete hopelessness. i immediately stopped my bike to turn around.

I can't live without my God. I can't live without His spirit. I turned around and asked God what he wanted me to give him. And he told me that my bible was in my backpack. a few weeks ago i bought a daily message bible and I had brought it with me today.

I sat down in the nearest park bench opened up my new bible and wrote: 'Sir, I hope you are enjoying your sleep. This is the only truth I know, that God loves you. Love, a follower of Jesus Christ'

Nothing special or ornate or profound, just the complete truth.

Then I left my bible with my water on top of it at the feet of the man.

God honors obedience so fully. He LOVES when we listen to him. he LOVES it! When we sacrifice feeling weird or just a little awkward or comfortable, he can work through us so much clearer.

Then God gave me a joy like I have never felt. I am so fully in love with Him. He has changed me so much since I have been fasting. I am not the same person. Thank you for your prayers. In a few more days it will be two months. It seems like longer than that.

I'd spend the rest of my life single with the God who knows how to love me best. I would have NEVER said that two months ago.

God wants to know you. and he wants you to know him because he knows how his love will change you forever.

Beloved, just let him love you.